M.A.W.B. Squad

Heee-Yah!

Guess what, everybody? I'm taking Tae Kwon Do lessons! Heee-Yah! So don't mess with me, or else! Just kidding...or am I?

 

I decided to take Tae Kwon Do lessons because I needed something to do. It's also a good way to vent my rage, 'cause when I get angry, unless I manage to restrain myself, I have a temper. Not that I'm trying to scare you or anything.

 

In Tae Kwon Do class, my teacher is called Master Yu, but when we talk to him we have to call him sir. "Yes, sir. No, sir." I'm glad I can remember.

We also get to scream. A lot. The louder, the better! I'm good at this! Wednesday night at home I was showing my sister some moves in the living room and we were screaming. My mom came home and came in from the garage and couldn't see us, but she could hear us. She said it sounded like we were being murdered! She said she didn't know whether to rush in and try and save us, or run away and save herself. Mother of the Year?

 

In class, before we start punching and kicking we have to stretch. We also have to run laps, try to do the splits (ooww), and other tedious and hurtful things but then we get to the actual punching and kicking. Yessssssss! The last time I went we learned sparring. Well, not exactly learned because you don't learn to spar, as it's just kicking and punching each other. I'm getting really good, and I can't wait to try out my "learned foot"!

Hand-to-hand combat: I love it!

 

                                                         Ciao for now,

                                                          Tiger Lilly

How Sweet

KAR's new tagline:

The only blog standing between you and your enslavement by the MAWB Squad.

Those KAR boys are so cute.  Be sure to stop by and view them in their gilded cages in the exhibition hall of MAWB headquarters.

Nota Bene

Taking a break from his usual shtick of channeling God and savaging liberals, KAR front man Learned Foot has plumbed the depths of his literary talents and branched out into screen-writing.  While it is normally not my policy to promote a declared Enemy of the State, I think LF's efforts deserve a mention.

Taking his cue from that timeless classic, The Breakfast Club, LF re-writes that poignant conflict between tyrannical authority (me) and rebellious losers in need of guidance (rest of cast) as only he can.  And while yours truly doesn't come off too well, I would be remiss as one of your future leaders if I didn't bring this dynamic talent to your attention.  Any script that depicts V-Toed Bill (sorry, dear, but I never liked that whole Nihilist-Wannabe tag) as the foul-mouthed malcontent is sure to be a blockbuster.

Yes, LF is destined for the big time.  It won't be long before he's sipping macrobiotic teas and inhaling Krispy Kremes with the likes of Rob Reiner, Michael Moore, and that rising star... dang.  I forgot his name.  You know the guy I'm tallking about - that genius who hoovered up Big Macs and french fries for an entire month to illuminate the covert fact that McDonalds food has fat in it.

But I digress.  LF, don't forget the little people who made it all possible when you're walking down the red carpet.

And speaking of red carpets...here's a thought for you.  Want a guaranteed Academy Award for this puppy?  Just tweak that last scene a bit.  As the crew of hopeless misfits exits the publically-funded building, my character reads the note and gets so enraged she grabs her semi-automatic rifle (which she bought illegally at one of those GetAroundTheLoophole gunshows) and mows down a couple of you in the parking lot.  Then run the whole film as a documentary.

Oscar city, baby.

No need to thank me.

Yipee!

I get to devise Learned Foot's punishment?  Christmas arrives early!

I've got a few ideas floating around.  Most involve Learned Foot and some close, intimate contact with a couple thousand righteous citizens who have had their letters published on the Star Tribune editorial pages.

I haven't been this giddy since I found a signed, first edition of The Prince.

KAR: Enemy of the State

This has gone too far!  First, Foot can't take the M.A.W.B. Mayoral win, calling a run off.  Then, when we lead the run off, he accuses the M.A.W.B. of stuffing the ballot box and throws us out of the race.  He uses a comment meant as a joke as evidence?  (My own family couldn't even vote for the M.A.W.B. because we're all on the same router.)

I cry foul!  The way Foot changes the rules to suit his own agenda proves he's a closet Democrat and this whole voting scheme is only a ruse to keep the electorate happy.  This is war and KAR is our first official enemy of the state.

Vote for the appropriate punishment for Foot on the sidebar. In fact, pick more than one!  Comments will also be considered.

Update:  Let's see.  Dementee has 45 votes since Foot put up the poll this morning, but we're the ones accused of stuffing the ballot box?  Then Foot goes for the diversionary tactic:

"BTW, it's interesting to note that the voter "turnout" is somewhat lower now that the Broads aren't in the running."

Sorry, Foot.  We took math and despite your biases, it wasn't too hard for us.  Busted.

Can you put God in a box?

Hello, I'm Tiger Lilly, and today I am going to talk about Operation Christmas Child.

 

Operation Christmas Child is a program where you can fill a shoebox with gifts for a boy or girl somewhere who is having a hard time, sometimes because of wars or because they are starving.  Samaritan's Purse, which runs Operation Christmas Child, collects the shoeboxes and delivers them wherever they're needed. It is a trustworthy organization led by Franklin Graham (he's Billy Graham's son).  Anyone at practically any age can fill a box (or boxes!) and I'm going to tell you what it's about and what you do.

First, get a shoebox! Then, decide whether it will be for a boy or a girl, and what age (1-4, 5-9, 10-14). Personally I've always done boxes for ages 5-9 because it's easy for me to decide what they might like. Things like toy cars, hairbrushes and beauty things for girls, suckers and candy (nothing that will melt!), dolls and other toys. I always include a little stuffed animal that they can hold onto. I also giftwrap the box and lid separately and include $5 to help pay for shipping and then close it with a rubberband. My church collects all of our boxes and sends them to Operation Christmas Child. If your church doesn't collect boxes you can contact the organization at www.samaritanspurse.org. There's also more information here. National Collection Week starts this week, but there's still time to participate. The Web site will tell you how.

I've been doing shoeboxes for at least 4 years. Everyone in my family does at least one box each year. I like doing it because I like to pick out all the things that go in them and to figure out what all the kids would like. Something I do is picture myself in the same situation and what I would like to receive. That's a really good way to figure out what to give them. I do this every year because I love to do stuff in charity organizations. In fact, when the person who does it in our church was going to step down this year  I wanted to volunteer to organize it,  but my mom said that since I'm only eleven, I wouldn't be able to handle it. : (

I think there is a long-term effect for people who receive these boxes because from then on they know that someone out there was kind enough to spend money and take time out of their daily lives just to put together a box for them. They'll know that when they receive their box, and you can guarantee it by putting your picture and a letter from you inside the box. Then they'll not only know that someone cares, but also what you look like!

By putting together a box you are brightening someone's life, and that is a precious thing.

 

                                                           Ciao for now,

                                                            Tiger Lilly

Get Out the Vote

The M.A.W.B. Squad won the race for Mayor of the M.O.B.,.  You know what that means.  Unable to accept their crushing defeat, the home team decided to have a run-off vote.

Our competition?  A serial killer named Dementee.  Eating people is wrong, even if they are Moonbats.

Are they afraid?  Of course. KAR posts nothing but lies about us at the polling site.  (Note the subtle change from MAWB chicks to MAWB broads?  You can just hear their hands shake as they type.)

Let them know you're not fooled by casting your vote for the M.A.W.B. Squad.

Oh, I almost forgot.  We're the party of ideas.  (O.K. Threats come in a close second.)

M.O.B. Link of the Day:  That's right, as Mayor(s) of the M.O.B. we'll post a M.O.B. Link of the Day

More Fun at M.O.B. Parties:  Has Dementee ever shown up for a M.O.B. Bash, let alone in his pajamas?  For all we know, he's Foot's evil alter ego. You're going to vote for that?

We Know More than One Joke:  Dementee has one line, eating moonbats.  The M.A.W.B. has an endless supply of topics to amuse you.

There's much much more, but I trust the intelligence of our base to use logic to make the right decision.  It's fine to be fond of Dementee, but Mayor? Puh-lease.

Poker with the Stars

So I was chatting with James Woods the other day. Did you know he uses a Mac G4 Powerbook just like me?  True Story.  Saturday I sat at a table with Ronny Cox.  You'd recognize Ronny from Deliverance, Total Recall, Beverly Hills Cop, Stargate SG-1, just to name a few.  Great actor and fine poker player.  Really the nicest guy. We played a game of No Limit Hold'em. I ended up winning the table. (Not like it was anyone's paycheck or anything, but it's better than losing.)

No. I didn't move to Vegas.  (Too hot there for a northern girl. We melt in that heat. I don't care if it is dry.)  I signed up for Hollywood Poker and mingle with the stars at my own kitchen table.  If you want rub elbows while you play poker, drop me a comment or e-mail and I'll send you an invite.  (It's possible there's $50 in it for both of us, but who knows if these referrals ever pan out.)

The Mom Contract we all sign, (you think the fact that we all parrot the same warnings is coincidence?),  requires me to remind you that poker is for entertainment purposes only and you should never bet any money you can't afford to lose.  My second best advice is to fold - fold a lot more than you think you should.  (Even better, if you just want to learn the game, you can play with play money.)

Many of us on the right have our reservations about Hollywood these days, but how do we wield any influence?  What better plan than to sit down with celebrities, chat, and do your best to win their money? We're wily in the way we wiggle into positions of influence. One more reason to vote for the M.A.W.B. chicks for mayor.

The Race Is On

The KAR men are taking a poll: Who should be Mayor of the MOB?  Options include "One of those MAWB Squad chicks."  Well you know what to do.  Often and early.

I did notice that at this moment, MAWB Squad and Dementee are neck and neck.  Now, if I wasn't a little paranoid about Dementee coming over and burning down my house and turning my dog into a shish kabob, I would point out that he has contributed to the DFL under a false name and has a picture of Hillary in the glove compartment of his car.  He sent flowers to Norm Coleman to thank him for his ANWR vote.  He uses bath salts.

Of course, I would not point that out to the general public because Dementee likes to field dress kittens and eat sewer caps.  A guy like that...well, you just don't want to have him for an enemy.

Or mayor.

**Next: How I knock Sisyphus out of the running by declaring he's an exact replica of Karl Rove.  Liberals who can't bring themselves to read KAR will turn out in droves to vote against him.

Fish Tales

The 7-yr-old brought home a library book from school called Goldfish. As we read this lengthy tome on the types and care of these low-maintenance pets, I found myself having to correct a few notions put forward in the book.

Goldfish should never live in a small fish bowl.

Baloney, son.  I had many goldfish in my youth, and the traditional round globe served them just fine.  Contrary to what this author purports, you do not need a ten gallon tank for a dimestore goldfish.

Your goldfish should also be fed frozen goldfish food, such as shrimp.

Son, the only time any fish around here is getting anything other than smelly fish flakes, it will be when we have a fish that can skeletonize a rodent in under three minutes.  Because that would be cool.

Here was my favorite:

A veterinarian or "vet" is a medical doctor who treats animals.  He or she will help you keep your goldfish healthy.

Son, once a goldfish enters this house, there are only two reasons for it to ever leave the confines of its bowl: one is to visit a holding cell while we clean out the bowl; the other is to the toilet where last rites will be administered.

And then in a little moment of apple falling, (see: not far from) he asked, "Can I do the flushing?"