Fish Tales

The 7-yr-old brought home a library book from school called Goldfish. As we read this lengthy tome on the types and care of these low-maintenance pets, I found myself having to correct a few notions put forward in the book.

Goldfish should never live in a small fish bowl.

Baloney, son.  I had many goldfish in my youth, and the traditional round globe served them just fine.  Contrary to what this author purports, you do not need a ten gallon tank for a dimestore goldfish.

Your goldfish should also be fed frozen goldfish food, such as shrimp.

Son, the only time any fish around here is getting anything other than smelly fish flakes, it will be when we have a fish that can skeletonize a rodent in under three minutes.  Because that would be cool.

Here was my favorite:

A veterinarian or "vet" is a medical doctor who treats animals.  He or she will help you keep your goldfish healthy.

Son, once a goldfish enters this house, there are only two reasons for it to ever leave the confines of its bowl: one is to visit a holding cell while we clean out the bowl; the other is to the toilet where last rites will be administered.

And then in a little moment of apple falling, (see: not far from) he asked, "Can I do the flushing?"

Comments

[aelfheld]

I can just hear my vet's reaction to any questions about 'keeping my goldfish healthy'. I could only hope he wouldn't rupture something.

[Jeff Hess]

Shalom St. Kate,

It helps to grow up in farm country. I can't tell you how many times I've said to people. It's an animal not a child!

B'shalom,

Jeff Hess

[Jeff Hess]

Shalom St. Kate,

And oh, any mom who can say skeletonize with a straight face has to be coo.

B'shalom,

Jeff Hess

[Anonymous Bob]

When in Rome: Keeping goldfish in a goldfish bowl is illegal.

From a timesonline.co.uk article:

The bylaw was proposed by Monica Cirinna, a city councillor who told Il Messaggero, a newspaper in Rome: "It’s good to do whatever we can for our animals who, in exchange for a little love, fill our existence with their attention. The civilisation of a city can also be measured by this."

Signora Cirinna was praised by animal rights groups, who protest that traditional goldfish bowls are bad for fish because they are difficult to clean and do not allow enough oxygen into the water.
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So there you go! A civilization can be measured by how much of its existence is filled with attention from a goldfish kept in a bowl that was not named after it. I guess that's why archaeologists like to dig up pieces of broken pottery. No glass bowls here, they must have been civilized!

And in a move sure to please the MAWB, bowls that are difficult to clean warrant legislative action! They've obviously never tried to clean a day-old bowl of Cream of Wheat (although this may explain the troughs in the floors of some overseas public restrooms).

Another article reported (although they were unable to confirm) that goldfish bowls make goldfish go blind. Oh come on! What do they think the goldfish are doing with themselves hiding behind that bubbly pirate treasure chest!

[St. Kate]

And here I thought those goldfish were just shy... Thanks, Bob.

[aelfheld]

They are shy.

Otherwise they wouldn't be suitable pets for children.