M.A.W.B. Squad: Hated Pikes Peak

August 25, 2005

Hated Pikes Peak

Not too many years ago I chose to jump out of a perfectly good airplane. I could ride any ride in the amusement park all day long, (with the exception of the Ferris wheel, a long story in the idiosyncracy meme). Mountain roads? Loved them!

Gilbert O'Sullivan hit the nail, "Those days are gone."

Not long after I had the Boy, I started to have trouble with my ears. Ear infections. That sort of thing. Soon after, riding the Octopus made me green, a first. Before I knew what was happening, watching Sean Connery hang between the two highest buildings in Malaysia during a movie made me queasy.

Apparently, I still have not adjusted my perspective to match the betrayal of my body. Because yesterday we drove up Pikes Peak.

See that ribbon cut into the side of the mountain? You know, the road above the treeline advertised as "safe" that is actually a dirt track with an edge that drops off thousands of feet with no guardrails? Yeah, I drove up that, actually it could probably best be described as "creeping in abject terror". What was I thinking?

Now everyone knows that there's less oxygen up high. How high is high in this case? 14,110 feet. Think about half the cruising height of a 747. (Did I mention no guardrails?) They don't tell you until you get about this high......

that you only have about 60% of normal oxygen levels.

What happens when you reduce the oxygen to your brain by 40%? You get dizzy, and your head hurts, and you can't think. Which is a great conditon to be in while you're driving a dirt track thousands of feet in the sky with no bleeping guardrail. Even better, when you get to the top, after prying your white knuckles off the steering wheel, (which should only take 10 minutes or so) you can go stand on the edge of the cliff like these subjects, whom I like to refer to as Idiots:

Sounds like fun, eh? So we get to the top and I'm pretty much wandering around aimlessly, unable to think clearly. See the pictures in this post? They are the result of me holding up the camera in random directions and clicking the button. I did it for you, dear subjects. I had no clue what image I might be capturing, but someone had to warn you. Besides, I'll need evidence for the civil suit that I was there.

The Girl senses my distress and guides me into the Gift Shop, (of course there's a damn gift shop on top of devil ridge), where they sell oxygen. Fun tourist attraction, no? Plop down your $6.29 in order to regain your senses, so you hopefully won't walk over the edge of the cliff before you find your vehicle and maybe you won't drive off the edge on your way down. Yes. We're selling the basic element you need to survive. Would you like to breathe Strawberry flavor or Watermelon?

Oh, and the Pikes Peak T-Shirts? Like I want to pay to be reminded of hell on earth.

Posted by Sandy on August 25, 2005 at 11:05 AM in Travel | Permalink

Comments

Sandy,

At least you didn't pay anything (other than for gas) for the experience of oxygen deprivation. Some of us pay good money in other parts of Colorado (Summit County, for example) for the privilege of descending the mountain at high speeds, equipped with little more than slippery things (i.e., skis and snowboards) attached to our feet.

Seriously, I normally ski/ride at 8,000 feet. On Labor Day last year I was in Breckenridge (10,000 feet or so), and had a mild headache the entire weekend.

But at least I wasn't driving on roads without guardrails.

Posted by: PolicyGuy | August 25, 2005 at 01:31 PM

Not so fast. $35 bucks for the privilege of oxygen deprivation in this case.

At least they didn't ask me to sign away any property in my addled state.

Posted by: Sandy | August 25, 2005 at 07:45 PM

As someone who regularly climbed higher than that, I have to say that your experience with altitude sickness isn't all that uncommon or unsurprising for someone used to near-sealevel conditions. When climbing high peaks with someone from the East we usually would set up base camp a little above 10K for a day or two to see how they'd react to the height. Sometimes even the good mountaineers who'd been up more than a few times just couldn't adjust and we'd call off the hike. Every body's different, and not everybody reacts the same way every time. Just in case you're curious and ever want to repeat the excursion (yeah, right!) there are drugs that help with the oxygen deprivation, although the guys I knew who took them in the high Andes peaks didn't like them much.

Posted by: nerdbert | September 01, 2005 at 01:36 PM