Questioning My Sanity

Today my dog found the rotting carcus of a baby bird, and promptly flopped on his back and did his best to smear miniature avian gut parts all over his fur. I don't understand the appeal.  I've never driven down a road, saw a dead deer on the shoulder and thought, "Boy, would I just love to pull over and go turn a few somersaults inside that doe's ribcage."  Stupid dog.

More annoying that washing decaying flesh from dog fur, however, is answering a million questions from your kids on a long car trip.  Today we headed into the cities and in the hour and a half it took to get to our destination, I fielded the most innane queries on a wide range of topics.

Mom, what is that?

A boom crane

Mom, what if you were a boom crane?

I guess I'd be parked on the side of 494 waiting to do my part to build a bridge.

Mom, what if you were a bridge?

I'd be helping cars and pedestrians cross a busy highway.

Mom, what if you were a highway?

Ad nauseam.  When they got off the "what if you were" meme, they started firing off completely random questions.  Can we talk about brains now?  Are we there yet? How old is Grandpa? Why is that building shiny? Do we have alligators in Minnesota? Is that blood or pizza sauce on my shoe?

I appreciate their curiosity and I encourage it most of the time.  But today I couldn't take any more.  Not without Tylenol and a Diet Coke.  So I said, "Boys!  I need some quiet.  I don't want anyone to talk for the next twelve minutes.  If I hear another question, there will be dire repercussions."

The Senator couldn't help himself.  "But Mom, what's dire mean?"

I almost pulled off the highway.  If there had been a dead raccoon on the shoulder of the road, I would have made The Senator get out and roll in it.

Comments

[aelfheld]

At least you didn't respond like this.

[Marcus Aurelius]

You need to play the quiet game!

First one to make a noise is the loser. That works very well. Then when you have decided it is time enough then you say something and then feign disappointment you lost.

Worked on us, and works for me when I am around munchkins.

[Sandy]

As time goes on, you will develop the skill known as the "mental child block." Being the proud owner of two teenagers, my kung-fu is strong. I'm guessing it took a half an hour for me to realize the Boy had the following Rush song on repeat in the next room the other night......

We are the priests
Of the temples of syrinx
Our great computers
Fill the hollowed halls.....

(Multiply by 100 in rapid succession.)

The trick is to develop a tolerance longer than your spouse's. That way, their defenses are pierced before yours and they stop the offending behavior before you become aware of it in your conscious mind.

[Headstrong Elf]

I completely empathize with you. And since I have yet to develop "mental child block" I have gone with the threat of incarceration. "If you keep yelling, I will have to pull the van over and the police will come and take me away forever and ever." After one threat followed by pulling over in the police station parkng lot (only a couple of blocks from home), they got the idea. So much for the "Mother of the Year" award. (I should also mention, this wasn't just from the incessant questions but from all 3 of them trying to see who could scream the loudest and longest.)