M.A.W.B. Squad

Jennifer Tilly Wins at World Series of Poker

This is not your celebrity "aren't we cute" tournament.  She won a World Series of Poker bracelet playing against the best in the world:

Tilly won the Ladies no-limit Texas Hold 'Em event at the World Series of Poker, marking the first time a celebrity has won a bracelet at the famous tournament. Tilly's skillful and self-admitted lucky play earned her $158,625. She beat 600 players to capture first place in the grueling two-day event that featured some of the top female pros in the world. The buy-in was $1,000.

She credits learning from her boyfriend, Phil Laak, known as the Unabomber.  (I thought he was totally whacked the first time I saw him at a final table with his hood all pulled down over his face.)

"When you're living with Phil, you kinda learn by osmosis," Tilly told CardPlayer.com. "Even in the middle of the night, he wakes up screaming out poker terms. Most guys scream out other girls' names. He'll wake up and go, `I should have bet more on the turn.'"

I figure she wins twice from this deal.  With all the airhead parts we're used to watching her play, she's also just proven that she can act.

The Taxman Cometh - Slavery is Still Legal

When you run a small business it's not unusual to receive mail from the IRS or the Department of Revenue. And no.  They never, ever include a refund.  So I wasn't too alarmed when we noticed a missive from the Department of Revenue last week.  Then I opened it.  I quote:

Any person bringing or causing to be brought, any cigarettes into Wisconsin, regardless of any other state's cigarette tax paid, is responsible for the Wisconsin excise tax on those cigarettes.

They were so kind to include a worksheet to report any out of state cigarette purchases going back to 2001.  Interest to be calculated at 18%, thank you very much.  And let's not forget sales and use tax.  Heavens no.

Your purchases of cigarettes and tobacco products are subject to Wisconsin use tax.  Wisconsin use tax is owed when you purchase taxable items for use, storage, or consumption in Wisconsin without paying a state sales tax at the time of purchase.  Use tax is due on the total amount paid to the supplier(s), including any charges for shipping/handling and/or other taxes.

So, you're not a smoker you say?  Have you purchased anything from Amazon lately?  Note the list of items I'm supposed to report on the worksheet:

Arts, Antiques, Furniture, Carpeting, Sporting Goods and Collectibles, Computer Hardware and Software, Books, CD's, Audio Tapes, Clothing, Jewelry, Perfume, Cosmetics and Exercise Equipment, Cigarettes and Tobacco

That's right.  Welcome to my nightmare.

What the state of Wisconsin has just asserted is that I no longer live in a free market.  I'm not allowed to freely engage in interstate commerce.  They OWN me.  They OWN my commerce and I will pay taxes to them regardless of where I legally transact business.  I had no idea slavery was still legal.

Not only that.  These taxes are due even if I've already paid taxes for the product I purchased in another state.  So apparently, double taxation is now perfectly legal.  Not only is it double taxation.  If you purchased cigarettes on-line you will pay sales/use tax on both shipping and handling and on the taxes you paid to the state from which the cigarettes shipped.  Don't forget to pay your taxes on those taxes you paid in other words.

I am in the wrong business.  Sign me up to become a part of the government machine.  I want to live off that sweet, sweet, confiscated income.

Not to mention 18% interest.  Eighteen Bleeping Percent????  What are they doing, financing state government on a bad Mastercard?  This is insane!

What of the days I spend on the road meeting with customers in Minnesota, or California, or Hong Kong?  How about the pack I smoked at Keegan's last week?  Do I get a credit for days I wasn't consuming product in the state of Wisconsin?  What about all those Christmas presents I've purchased at Mall of America?  Won't those ID chips come in handy when we have to account for our daily whereabouts so the state can properly impose taxes upon us?

Wisconsin is not the only state where slavery is legal.  Michigan sent out tax bills for on-line purchases of cigarettes averaging $2,500 per person.   In Massachusetts, residents are wondering if UPS gave up their names to the state.

I always thought that Ron, the UPS guy, had shifty eyes.  I guess I wasn't just being paranoid?

Granted, sites like Amazon and E-Bay have deeper pockets to hold off taxation than sites that sell cigarettes on-line do. They also have a 1992 Supreme Court ruling saying they don't have to charge sales tax if they have no physical presence in the state.

The Streamlined Sales Tax Project aims to change that.

Since 2002, more than 20 states have participated in the Streamlined Sales Tax Project, which, among other things, seeks to establish common sales tax rules and collection methods across states, and to distribute free software to businesses to help them collect the taxes easily.

By showing that tax collection represents no substantial burden to businesses, the Streamlined Sales Tax Project aims to spur federal legislation allowing states that have simplified their collection methods to mandate tax collection from retailers that do not have a physical presence in their state.

Diane L. Hardt, the tax administrator for the Wisconsin Department of Revenue and the co-chairwoman of the project, said the effort would culminate late this month at a meeting in Chicago, at which she expected at least 10 states to announce that they had simplified their tax methods. Twenty-one states, she said, have passed legislation at least partly doing so.

Ms. Hardt said she expected federal legislation supporting sales tax collection would be introduced in Congress "within days" of the Chicago meeting.

Our new family policy can be summed up in four words.  Cash is King, Baby!

P.S.  If anyone has the goods on whether they can tax me for cigarette purchases at out-of-state casinos owned by Native Americans, please drop a line in the comments.  I'd also like to know if I can charge the state of Wisconsin for my time that will be required to find five years of credit card statements.  My time is very, very expensive.

A Modest Proposal

While splashing about at the exclusive Outpost Resort this weekend, I was pondering all the bad press that Guantanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib have received.  The thought struck me that anyone complaining about the conditions or care in these places ought to have the chance to do something about it...something more substantial than writing indignant letters to the opinion page of their local newspaper.  I think I may have come up with something.  Bear in mind, this is a rough draft; the final plan needs some serious attention to detail, but I need to do that when I'm not drinking St. Pauli Girl while drifting on my inflatable lounger in the middle of a lake.  So here goes:

Say you're an armchair activist.  Maybe you wanted to be a human shield, but didn't have the time, money, or backbone to get to Iraq before the bombing started.  How can you do something meaningful to show you don't approve of this evil war for oil?  Join the government's Foster Jailer program!

Host an oppressed victim of American Imperialism in your own home!  No more dog leashes!  No more mistreated holy books! You can make a difference today!

A Federal Marshall will deliver a micro-chipped (hey - we do it for our faithful pets animal companions, don't we?) prisoner or detainee to your door.  Once in your home, you will have the chance to show your concern and care by the tender ministration you provide to your Foster Inmate during his unfortunate time of confinement.

Think of the pride you'll feel when you can look in your Inmate's tearful brown eyes and reassure him that the only photo-op he's scheduled for this year is the family Christmas card.

Think of the satisfaction you'll gain knowing your detainee is eating nutritious, healthy meals instead of left-over government rations.  (The newly released Eating in the Eleventh Century cookbook by the humanitarian group Chefs Without Borders comes with each Foster Inmate.)

Think of the respect you'll nuture between true Americans and our Muslim friends when you display the humidity- and temperature-controlled environment you've built for your sufferer's Koran.  (Plans for waterproof shrine included)

When the Social Activism committee at church adopted a starving child in Africa, what did they get to show for it?  A 5 x 7 glossy and a few poorly-spelled letters scribbled in crayon.  Join the Foster Inmate program today and you'll have a living, breathing victim of the Bush regime sitting on the Hepplewhite tomorrow!

Now is the time.  Now is your chance.  Join Foster Jailers today.

***

So what do you think?  I know, I know, it needs some work.  But still, I like it.  And while I don't think I've seen this covered in my Machiavelli Trainer, I think Nicollo would approve.

I'd love to spend the afternoon working out the details, but I'm inviting Sisyphus to go "shopping" with me today.  We're going to be busy evicting lakefront homeowners in order to expand our estates.

Snarky Quote of the Day

From Lech Walesa:

"I suggest that he ask the French why the heck for so many years they encouraged Poles to build capitalism when as it turns out they are Communists themselves," Mr. Walesa, an electrician by trade, said in an interview published Friday in the Polish daily Gazeta Wyborcza.

Beware Season 2 of 24 DVD Rental

We haven't been watching 24 on TV, but we just finished watching Season one on DVD.  (My insightful critical commentary can be summed up in two words, "That B***h!!) 

After looking at the economics of buying not only 24, but Stargate, and other series we're following or catching up to on DVD, we decided to join Netflix.  I put season two of 24 on the top of our rental list.  (If you haven't tried Netflix, be aware that each disc of a season is counted as one of your rentals.  So, for example, with season two of 24 at the top of our rental list, we received the first three discs of season 2.  Now I've gone in and adjusted our queue so we get some other rentals in between.)

So far, so good.

In the special features section of the first DVD of season 2 of 24 you have the option of watching some of the actors comment on the episode.  (I think it's the fourth episode on the first disc.  Commentary is done by Sarah Wynter who plays Kate Warner, Carlos Bernard who plays Tony Almeida, and Michelle Forbes as Lynne Kresge aide to President Palmer.)

In the commentary, they give away at least two crucial plot points for the second season that the viewer doesn't know yet.  In fact we've now watched the first eight episodes of season two and we still wouldn't know either spoiler if we hadn't watched the episode commentary on disc one.

Arrrrrggggghhhhhhhh!

There's no spoiler warning.  Nothing.  If you decide to watch the commentary, too bad.

That just sucks eggs in my opinion.  Especially on a show where half the fun is not knowing what they're going to throw at you next.  So be warned.  Don't watch the actor commentary on the DVD's if you don't want to know the spoilers.

My work here is done.

Tiger Lilly's Book Meme

The Night Writer tagged me with this book meme. What kind of kid's game is that? Anyway, here are my answers.

1. What is the total number of books you have ever owned?

Hard to say, I have owned a large amount, and I ask for more every birthday and at Christmas. (Barnes & Noble gift certificates work well, too, wink, wink.)

 

2. What is the last book you purchased?

Midwinter Nightingale.

3. What is the last book you read?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire ( for the 5th time!)

 

4. What are 5 books that mean a lot to you?

A Little Princess, the story of how a little girls belief finally came through; Midwinter Nightingale, I'm not really sure why I like this one, I just do; A Pilgrim's Progress, the story that shows what we go through in life and tells us how to get past it; The Artemis Fowl Files, I like this book because it's adventure and mystery, the perfect combination; and The Cat That Went to Heaven, this book is sad, but it's pretty good.

Americans: From Steel to Sugar Candy?

Paul Harvey basically says, Nuke 'Em Dan-0.  (You've got to read it to believe it.)  Though I hear that smallpox blanket story is a Ward Churchhill propagated myth.

Quiz: Theological Worldview

Sure, there's the reaction to Rove's comments to gloat over, the lefty-led Supreme Court decision to gripe about, the Rummy-Kennedy verbal jousting.

Me?  I'm doing a quiz.  It's Friday.  Mexican for lunch today.  I got work to do.  'Nuff said. Via Doug.

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists. Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 82% Reformed Evangelical 71% Fundamentalist 68% Neo orthodox 46% Emergent/Postmodern 46% Roman Catholic 46% Charismatic/Pentecostal 43% Classical Liberal 36% Modern Liberal 29% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

Keegan's Trivia

To the victors go the spoils.  Bragging rights, that is.

I saw the booting occur, but left too early to witness the Wellstone devotee try to escape the consequences.  I almost feel sorry for the guy.  (O.K. Not too much.)  Not only does he get tagged by the booting police, in the process he provides theater for a bunch of drink happy right wing bloggers. Ouch.

Nightwriter has additional bumper sticker suggestions.

Question

I need an etiquette ruling on the following:

You initiate a conversation with a guy, and you eventually ask the question, "So, where's home for you?"  He answers, "Are you familiar with BumbleBee Acres?  It's a half-way house.  I've lived there for eleven years."

Is it appropriate to then inquire why he has lived at a half-way house for that length of time?

Just wondering.