Yesterday was my annual physical. Yee-ha with bells on. I'm pretty sure that somewhere in the fine print, pap smears are on the "Prohibited" list for the Geneva Convention, Amnesty International, and the UN Human Rights Commission. And yet every year I schedule the damn thing anyway. I guess I shouldn't complain too much; these days they're warming the speculum for added comfort.
While waiting in the exam room and sporting the trendy Bohemian gown with loose floppy sides and flowing strings, I noticed that the stirrups were sheathed in small cotton sacks. Another small nod to our comfort? No. Some marketing genius realized that exam room stirrups had great potential as miniature billboards. At my heels were advertisements for Vagifem...estradiol vaginal tablets.
Vaginal tablets.
I don't care if they cure cancer, AIDS, and the state budget...I would have a tough time popping a tablet where human nature and gravity both say it shouldn't go.
I can't wait to see what's advertised next year.
And gentlemen (if there are any still reading at this point) please do not leave me a comment about the awful "turn your head and cough" exam. You will get no sympathy, and I will be forced to go into lurid detail on how an OB/Gyn doc examines a gal's ovaries.
You know how they say "ignorance is bliss"....it's so incredibly true.
Luckily half way through your article in an effort to save my sanity my lower intestine leapt up my throat and tore out my optical nerve rendering me blind. Thank goodness.
Posted by: Kevin | June 21, 2005 at 10:12 PM
Oh Young Jedi...You make me laugh. Sorry about the vision.
Posted by: St. Kate | June 22, 2005 at 10:54 AM
Speculum: The word is as bad as the tool itself.
Posted by: Sandy | June 22, 2005 at 04:06 PM
Is Hoocher trained as a guide dog??
I can't use Sadie, she still thinks a moving vehicle is something to play with.
Posted by: Kevin | June 22, 2005 at 09:59 PM