A Modest Proposal

While splashing about at the exclusive Outpost Resort this weekend, I was pondering all the bad press that Guantanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib have received.  The thought struck me that anyone complaining about the conditions or care in these places ought to have the chance to do something about it...something more substantial than writing indignant letters to the opinion page of their local newspaper.  I think I may have come up with something.  Bear in mind, this is a rough draft; the final plan needs some serious attention to detail, but I need to do that when I'm not drinking St. Pauli Girl while drifting on my inflatable lounger in the middle of a lake.  So here goes:

Say you're an armchair activist.  Maybe you wanted to be a human shield, but didn't have the time, money, or backbone to get to Iraq before the bombing started.  How can you do something meaningful to show you don't approve of this evil war for oil?  Join the government's Foster Jailer program!

Host an oppressed victim of American Imperialism in your own home!  No more dog leashes!  No more mistreated holy books! You can make a difference today!

A Federal Marshall will deliver a micro-chipped (hey - we do it for our faithful pets animal companions, don't we?) prisoner or detainee to your door.  Once in your home, you will have the chance to show your concern and care by the tender ministration you provide to your Foster Inmate during his unfortunate time of confinement.

Think of the pride you'll feel when you can look in your Inmate's tearful brown eyes and reassure him that the only photo-op he's scheduled for this year is the family Christmas card.

Think of the satisfaction you'll gain knowing your detainee is eating nutritious, healthy meals instead of left-over government rations.  (The newly released Eating in the Eleventh Century cookbook by the humanitarian group Chefs Without Borders comes with each Foster Inmate.)

Think of the respect you'll nuture between true Americans and our Muslim friends when you display the humidity- and temperature-controlled environment you've built for your sufferer's Koran.  (Plans for waterproof shrine included)

When the Social Activism committee at church adopted a starving child in Africa, what did they get to show for it?  A 5 x 7 glossy and a few poorly-spelled letters scribbled in crayon.  Join the Foster Inmate program today and you'll have a living, breathing victim of the Bush regime sitting on the Hepplewhite tomorrow!

Now is the time.  Now is your chance.  Join Foster Jailers today.

***

So what do you think?  I know, I know, it needs some work.  But still, I like it.  And while I don't think I've seen this covered in my Machiavelli Trainer, I think Nicollo would approve.

I'd love to spend the afternoon working out the details, but I'm inviting Sisyphus to go "shopping" with me today.  We're going to be busy evicting lakefront homeowners in order to expand our estates.

Comments

[Sisyphus]

Brilliant plan St. Kate. I do believe I've underestimated your Mahiavellian nature.

If the city council gets balky about our evictions, or refuses to pay for our improvements, we can casually mention that without these additions our estates will be unusable for any purpose other than the Foster Jailer's Program.

[Jo]

St. Kate,

You are my new hero. That is the funniest thing I have read in weeks.
Be careful it does not fall into the wrong hands. This is the just the kind of idea that people like Durbin would take seriously.