M.A.W.B. Squad

Uncle!!! Uncle Already!

I cannot be the only mortal screaming ENOUGH ALREADY with the Brokeback references.  In fact, I'm pretty sheltered from society in general in my undisclosed location, so I imagine that y'all are hearing it even more than me.  Every. Single. Place. You. Turn. there's a Brokeback joke.

Oh no.  I'm not linking to them.  I'm not giving examples.  Practice what you preach, I say.  Other than this post decrying this sad state of affairs, this blog is a Brokeback Free Zone.

I hereby declare this extended state of national snickering So Five Minutes Ago.  So, just get over it already people!

Catching Up

A month since my last post and you guys haven't given up on me?  Careful, that almost left me speechless.  Then we'd be in a real pickle.  Me all choked up you havent forgotten the glory days, but unable to tell you that I appreciate it.  It's a delicate balance.

So here's some stuff that hopefully you haven't already seen in 100 other places.

-  The M4 project has cracked the Enigma code used by Germany in WWII.  Even better, you can download their application and help them out.

-  This Apple household was underwhelmed with the big meeting announcements yesterday of the iPod Hi-Fi and the Intel Mac Mini.  (The boy's iPod is busted and he's considering either a new one or a PSP.  Leaning towards the PSP.) I am interested to see that the MacBook Pro, (spits 'cause the name just sucks), is shipping.  One thing that never gets old though is making fun of Microsoft.

-  I've got a mouse friend running around the office.  So far he's smart enough to evade the traps.  Coincidentally, the Boy's field mouse that he dumped out of the boat in the barn died this week.  Maybe I'll get him to build something like this to catch our visitor.

-  We're definitely going to need to hire these folks to put all the tricksies into the MAWB compound.

-  While I was tucked away at the undisclosed location MAWB Squad passed its one year anniversary on February 16th.  To celebrate, I rescued the domain name yesterday.

-  On a more serious note, apparently the Flight 93 Crescent memorial isn't dead.  Check Gall and Wormwood here and here.

Women Are Sneaky E-V-I-L!

We're about 7 hours into season 4 of 24 and I've noticed a theme with the writers.  Women are Sneaky E-V-I-L.  First we had Nina, the CTU agent we all loved to hate. Then there was Sherry Palmer, who hung around for multiple seasons to mess up things for the President.  In season 4 we have Marianne Taylor. (Granted I have to give Marianne an "evil so far" disclaimer, 'cause you never know where 24 is going when you're mid-season.)

What about the men of 24 you ask? There's plenty of E-V-I-L men running around every season.  You'd be right.  But, it's the women of 24 that are Sneaky Evil.

Guys can pull off full blown in your face evil, but it takes a special talent to be sweet on the outside and evil behind everyone's back.

I even left out the terrorist sister, but I'm too lazy to go look up her name, so these examples will have to suffice.

We've added peanut butter stuffed Oreo crack to the 24 crack.  We may never leave the crack house again.

Back on the Crack

I'm back on 24 crack.  We started season 4 during lunch today.  I hate them already.  Only one hour into it and you don't want to stop.  Gimme more! More!

We're saving season 5 on the DVR.  I hate to think of the day we catch up to Jack Bauer.

Kung Hei Fat Choy!

Loosely translated, Happy Chinese New Year! Actually the New Year was Jan. 29, but no doubt the celebration welcoming the year of the dog is ongoing. In my line of work it means three days of sleep, followed by a week to catch up on work!

We may have missed the parties in Hong Kong, but you can spy on the action with these webcams.

Best wishes for a happy and prosperous New Year!

Out and About

I left the undisclosed location yesterday.  Sometimes my diplomatic duties make it a neccessary.  Things sure are screwed up out there.  I would think you guys would be begging for the coming MAWB revolution.

It's not surprising that water sellers would be in on the racket.  Have you noticed you can buy the 24 oz. bulk in the grocery store - which are too big for your standard cup holder OR you can buy the 16 something ouncers - which are, of course, too small for your cupholder.  What you can't buy bulk in the grocery store is the 21 oz version that fits in your cupholder.  No. No. No.  You can only buy those in singles for $1.30 each.  We're now developing a super-secret Goldilocks weapon to deal with that situation.

Oh and the BP station with the car wash in Forest Lake?  Nice how you crank up the speed on that baby on good washing days.  In and out in five seconds flat.  It almost made me seasick.  I checked the manual with the van and they don't say a thing about washing and waxing simultaneously.  Is that new technology?

I'm making a list.  We're setting up some nice cages.  Of course you might get stuck next to the flingers. You know what I'm saying, right? Fair warning.

FIREFLY: Season 2????

Please someone.  Tell me this isn't a joke!

We are an independent production company and core group of Browncoats. We are not affiliated with 20th Century Fox or Universal Pictures.

We are currently pursuing the rights to continue the series from Fox and make it available to the fans, either directly or via another broadcaster.

Yes! I'll buy it!  Just tell me where to sign!  The movie, Serenity, was great, but lacked the warmth of the series.  The best format to tell the story of the Firefly crew is episodic.  Check out the website.  There's a survey you can take anonymously if you choose.  With so much crap on TV, I hate to see a really good show die a premature death.

Speaking of Apple...

What, we weren't talking about Apple?  Well, buck up, 'cause I'm talking about Apple.  I missed my chance to say. "I Want One!", so I'm doing it now.  Of course I want one.  I am the American consumer personified!  Engine of the economy!  You really should be thanking me.  (Their employees should definitely be thanking me.)

We were Apple before Apple was cool.  1984 punk.  Match that you iPod waanabees.  We were thinking different before they even thought of thinking different.  Where's my lunch with the designer like the cool kids?

Been to the Apple store recently?  Two words.

Buy. Stock.

Insect Candy!

After that last post, we wouldn't want you to get the idea that  this is a serious website, so we're obliged to bring you Insect Candy!  Perfect for that person who has everything! Enjoy!

Democrats and Kos: Rewarding Failure

From the Washington Monthly on Markos "Screw Them" Moulitas:

There was another reason, though, why hundreds of thousands of liberals around the country found themselves addictively checking and rechecking Daily Kos as the 2004 election approached. It made them think Democrats were going to win. Moulitsas wasn't just posting any polls, he was selecting those that suggested Democrats from John Kerry to congressional candidates were heading for victory, while downplaying less encouraging signs. It left liberals trapped in a bubble of reassurance. Heading into the election, it would have been reasonable to assume from the evidence presented on Daily Kos that Kerry was the clear favorite to beat Bush, and that Democrats were likely to pick up seats in both houses of Congress.

Kos has learned the key to every snake oil salesman's success.  Tell the public what they want to hear! No wonder the hard left thinks the election was rigged.  With every carefully selected post their beloved Kos told them they were winners.

All of Kos's confident predictions had been wrong. "It's a valid criticism. Looking back, I was too optimistic," Moulitsas told me. "[At] the beginning, I didn't even know what a margin of error was."

That's right.  Reporting only the polls that prop up your position is just "optimistic".  Certainly not fuel to boost traffic and therefore his own power within the party.

Worse, Kos hadn't just fared poorly as an armchair quarterback, he'd been beaten on the field, too. In the Democratic primaries, he first backed Dean, then Wesley Clark. Both sparked grassroots excitement, but ultimately, of course, flamed out. Then, of the 13 Democratic candidates for Congress that Moulitsas handpicked for his readers to support, and for whom he raised over $500,000, not a single one prevailed.

So Kos put his readers in a bubble, only reporting the news that looked good for them.  Then reality intrudes.  The election results are utter failure.  You'd expect some people to catch on, right?  But, the snake oil is addictive.

Many expected Moulitsas's readership to shrivel after the election. Instead, it has nearly doubled; so, it often seems, has his influence.

Kos is invited to give an election post mortem by Senate Democrats.  "You've failed completely?  Welcome to the halls of power my son!" As long as Democrats prize passion over being right, are content to live inside the bubble, and reward failure, the citizens will recognize that the adults, the Republicans, are the only party fit to lead the country.

Are You a Real Genius?

Take this MENSA test and find out.  The ones that stumped me were 28, 30, 31, and 33, (though I do think I've seen some of these before somewhere.)  I may have gotten question 28 eventually, but there's no way I would have figured out the other three.  So I googled them.  Loves the internet, I do.

Snuck up on you, didn't I?  Thanks to those of you who asked about M.A.W.B. Squad.  No promises.

Do You Want to Know a Secret?

Do you promise not to tell?
Whoah...Closer

Kevin thinks he's on to something.  Unfortunately for him, Nordeaster and I have both been at Keegan's at the same time and we were both at the last blog bash. Nice try, youngster.  (Irony alert.  I used Nordeaster's real first name in this post until it occurred to me to go check and see what name he posts under.)

But, everyone loves a mystery, no?  This entry about Secret sites at kottke caught my eye.  Apparently there's a whole lot of anonymous blogging going on.  Now, I don't use my last name here.  Some friends know about the site. (Not that they actually read it mind you. Don't you find that some people are just into the web and others aren't?  That, or we've all staked out our own little piece of it....a favorite game site....deviant art...things like that.) However, I don't generally tell people I work with that I have a blog.  Not that I write about work. 

I do feel constrained in what I write here though, because I would never feel comfortable invading someone else's privacy by writing about them on the web.  For the most part, not even my kids. It just wouldn't be polite.  Maybe it's too much time under the influence of Minnesota Nice.  That, or my parents were successful in some areas where they attempted to raise me with proper manners.  (With failures marked for "learned ability to write thank you or Christmas cards.") Just as it would be foolish to write about my work.  It's not like my identity is a secret when I'm showing up at trivia or blog parties after all.

Who are these people in the comments of this post.  Some not only keep blogs, but multiple secret sites?  How can they possibly have the time?

Writing a totally anonymous blog has occurred to me.  A place where you could vent about anything and anyone.  I can see the attraction. It would suit my naturally super-secretive nature.  ("What's for dinner, Mom?"  "Wouldn't you like to know.")

But reality is that I came within a hair's breadth of abandoning the M.A.W.B. in the last couple weeks. I even sent an e-mail to the rest of the Squad to notify them of my retreat to our bunker at the Undisclosed Location, (the back booth at Keegan's.....oops!) So far though, I Just Can't Pull the Trigger. I guess you're stuck with me for now.  (Don't worry though.  We'll never abandon our plans for world domination, even if they do underground temporarily.)

If you want to blog anonymously, but it's just too much effort, someone else has done the work for you.  You can post at Anonyblog.  Go ahead.  Tell the world your secrets.  Everyone else is doing it.

Let me whisper in your ear........

Breathes Sigh of Relief......

Really glad to discover this wasn't in Wisconsin.........

Woman Allegedly Hires Hit Man for Cheese

Christmas for Your Favorite Dictators

I know you're all tied up in knots.  "How can I possibly find a Christmas gift worthy of the M.A.W.B.?"  Fear not, peasants.  You can count on the female dictators of the M.A.W.B. to direct you on the right path. 

Cartier has a nice selection of tiaras, I hear.  While baubbles are always appropriate, here's another idea that's sure to make your gift stand out from the crowd.  Private islands.  You can even shop for them on-line!

This site has a nice feature that allows you to choose different areas of the world to shop from.

Nova Scotia's Oak Island, famous for its rumored Money Pit is up for sale.  (We could put the KAR crew to work there digging and open up some space in the Exhibition Hall.)

Emerald Isle in northern California would be a nice place for a M.A.W.B. retreat.  We'd even be open to hosting the MOB bash there.  There's plenty of lawn for everyone else to set up tents around our mansion.

If price is an issue, a nice island rental would always be appreciated. Better hurry though!  Only 18 more shopping days 'til Christmas!

Vocalist Lane

They have a thing in these parts called Honors Choir.  They pick 6-8 choir members each from about 8 high schools and get them together for one day under a guest director, ending with a concert in the evening. The Girl was chosen as one of two sopranos from her school.

I was at home, deep in discussion with the Boy, with me warning about the black helipcopters of Warcraft spyware, while he pondered the effect of two black holes colliding, and theorized that Steven Hawking's physical disability is actually an advantage because he only has to concentrate on thinking.  Alas, the conversation had to be abandoned so I could make the concert.

The host school was the southernmost of those participating, a drive of about an hour.  Lo and behold, after I took my seat in the auditorium, I realize my neighbor is two rows in front of me, and his neighbor is right across the aisle.  We could have car pooled!  Our house is midway between three small towns, leading to the oddity that we all have daughters who are Juniors or Seniors in high school, and they go to three different schools.  All three girls were chosen to participate in Honors Choir for their school.  How weird is that?  We must grow good singers on this stretch of road, (hence the title of this post.)

The concert was a rousing success, filled with baby Jesus', Glorious in Excelsious, and Hallelujah's bouncing off the walls all over the place, and no ACLU spoilsports in sight.  We country folk are subversive in that way.

Heee-Yah!

Guess what, everybody? I'm taking Tae Kwon Do lessons! Heee-Yah! So don't mess with me, or else! Just kidding...or am I?

 

I decided to take Tae Kwon Do lessons because I needed something to do. It's also a good way to vent my rage, 'cause when I get angry, unless I manage to restrain myself, I have a temper. Not that I'm trying to scare you or anything.

 

In Tae Kwon Do class, my teacher is called Master Yu, but when we talk to him we have to call him sir. "Yes, sir. No, sir." I'm glad I can remember.

We also get to scream. A lot. The louder, the better! I'm good at this! Wednesday night at home I was showing my sister some moves in the living room and we were screaming. My mom came home and came in from the garage and couldn't see us, but she could hear us. She said it sounded like we were being murdered! She said she didn't know whether to rush in and try and save us, or run away and save herself. Mother of the Year?

 

In class, before we start punching and kicking we have to stretch. We also have to run laps, try to do the splits (ooww), and other tedious and hurtful things but then we get to the actual punching and kicking. Yessssssss! The last time I went we learned sparring. Well, not exactly learned because you don't learn to spar, as it's just kicking and punching each other. I'm getting really good, and I can't wait to try out my "learned foot"!

Hand-to-hand combat: I love it!

 

                                                         Ciao for now,

                                                          Tiger Lilly

How Sweet

KAR's new tagline:

The only blog standing between you and your enslavement by the MAWB Squad.

Those KAR boys are so cute.  Be sure to stop by and view them in their gilded cages in the exhibition hall of MAWB headquarters.

Nota Bene

Taking a break from his usual shtick of channeling God and savaging liberals, KAR front man Learned Foot has plumbed the depths of his literary talents and branched out into screen-writing.  While it is normally not my policy to promote a declared Enemy of the State, I think LF's efforts deserve a mention.

Taking his cue from that timeless classic, The Breakfast Club, LF re-writes that poignant conflict between tyrannical authority (me) and rebellious losers in need of guidance (rest of cast) as only he can.  And while yours truly doesn't come off too well, I would be remiss as one of your future leaders if I didn't bring this dynamic talent to your attention.  Any script that depicts V-Toed Bill (sorry, dear, but I never liked that whole Nihilist-Wannabe tag) as the foul-mouthed malcontent is sure to be a blockbuster.

Yes, LF is destined for the big time.  It won't be long before he's sipping macrobiotic teas and inhaling Krispy Kremes with the likes of Rob Reiner, Michael Moore, and that rising star... dang.  I forgot his name.  You know the guy I'm tallking about - that genius who hoovered up Big Macs and french fries for an entire month to illuminate the covert fact that McDonalds food has fat in it.

But I digress.  LF, don't forget the little people who made it all possible when you're walking down the red carpet.

And speaking of red carpets...here's a thought for you.  Want a guaranteed Academy Award for this puppy?  Just tweak that last scene a bit.  As the crew of hopeless misfits exits the publically-funded building, my character reads the note and gets so enraged she grabs her semi-automatic rifle (which she bought illegally at one of those GetAroundTheLoophole gunshows) and mows down a couple of you in the parking lot.  Then run the whole film as a documentary.

Oscar city, baby.

No need to thank me.

Yipee!

I get to devise Learned Foot's punishment?  Christmas arrives early!

I've got a few ideas floating around.  Most involve Learned Foot and some close, intimate contact with a couple thousand righteous citizens who have had their letters published on the Star Tribune editorial pages.

I haven't been this giddy since I found a signed, first edition of The Prince.

KAR: Enemy of the State

This has gone too far!  First, Foot can't take the M.A.W.B. Mayoral win, calling a run off.  Then, when we lead the run off, he accuses the M.A.W.B. of stuffing the ballot box and throws us out of the race.  He uses a comment meant as a joke as evidence?  (My own family couldn't even vote for the M.A.W.B. because we're all on the same router.)

I cry foul!  The way Foot changes the rules to suit his own agenda proves he's a closet Democrat and this whole voting scheme is only a ruse to keep the electorate happy.  This is war and KAR is our first official enemy of the state.

Vote for the appropriate punishment for Foot on the sidebar. In fact, pick more than one!  Comments will also be considered.

Update:  Let's see.  Dementee has 45 votes since Foot put up the poll this morning, but we're the ones accused of stuffing the ballot box?  Then Foot goes for the diversionary tactic:

"BTW, it's interesting to note that the voter "turnout" is somewhat lower now that the Broads aren't in the running."

Sorry, Foot.  We took math and despite your biases, it wasn't too hard for us.  Busted.